Focusing on Strengths for Children with Learning Differences
In her book, Lea Waters draws on research which suggests that there are three elements that come together to form a strength. She says that, for the purposes of strength-based parenting, we need to keep our eye on all three:
1. Performance (being good at something): Watch for when your child shows rapid learning, a repeated pattern of success, and performance that is above age expectations or much stronger than their other skills.
2. Energy (feeling good doing it): Strengths are self-reinforcing; the more we use them, the more we get from them. They fill us with vigour. You will notice your child has abundant energy when using a strength.
3. High use (choosing to do it): Look for what your child chooses to do in their spare time, how often they engage in a particular activity, and how they speak about that activity.
Waters notes: “You don’t have to respond to every strength clue – that would be exhausting for both you and your child. But you can learn a lot about your child’s strengths just by observing what they naturally do and say. For example, my 12-year-old daughter Emily is constantly doodling without even realizing it. If cartoons are on TV, she draws the characters while watching. She draws pictures in every birthday card she gives to a friend. Seeing this has helped me realize how I can build this strength of hers by keeping the house stocked with art supplies, taking her to galleries, pointing out street art to her, and encouraging her to enter art competitions.”
In her interactions with parents in the course of her work, Waters says she has “noticed three distinct ways to approach strengths. Some parents do it through conversations with their kids. Others parents connect their kids to their strengths through more hands-on, practical ways. Still others do it by creating strength-based opportunities for their kids. If your child is not highly verbal, then you can use the second or third approach. Tune in to the times where you see your kids in flow and enjoying what they are doing; pay attention to what grabs their attention. Focus on the situations, skills, activities, and relationships where you see your child with high energy, enjoyment, and performance. Put your efforts into enabling opportunities, timetables, equipment, and relationships that allow your child to play to those strengths.”
Waters notes, “Research on other positive parenting practices – such as using praise, mindfulness, physical affection, and engagement with your child’s needs and interests – has found that it helps children with autism and ADHD to have fewer struggles around conduct, mood, sociability, and hyperactivity.”
Finally, Waters points out that “strength-based parenting is not about ignoring or unrealistically turning a blind eye to the downsides; it’s about where you place your attention first. When you look at strengths before weakness, you can help your kids use what they’re good at to overcome what they’re not so good at.”