The Value of a Sense of Purpose to Fathers
In his article, “What is Your Purpose as a Father?” Jeremy Adam Smith cites recent studies that indicate “having a sense of purpose makes dads healthier, happier, and stronger in the face of challenges we’re all facing”.
He suggests that the sense of purpose shaping fathers today is likely to be different that that held by fathers of previous generations, who saw their purpose as leaders and role models for their families, providing financial support and discipline to their children.
Smith perceives today’s fathers, as a group, as seeing their role somewhat differently. He notes that the number of women in the workforce has steading increased over the past century. He argues, “As women made more money, men’s participation at home started climbing. Today’s dads are spending much more time with their children than did their fathers. Moreover, the United States has become increasingly diverse….As a result of these developments, many fathers today add ‘nurturing’ to their purpose, along with ‘providing’.” He suggests that there is a desire on the part of many fathers “to be physically and emotionally present in the lives of their children” and that, “For many men, raising kids means that they need to make self-improvement and self-care part of their purpose.” He quotes a new study by Boston College psychologist James R. Mahalik and colleagues that links a strong sense of purpose to healthier behaviours. He notes, “This finding adds to a rising number of studies that show that more purposeful people are happier, have better health and cognitive functioning, and live longer.
Whilst acknowledging that there are almost no recent scientific studies of how fathers develop a sense of purpose, Smith notes that “researchers are starting to understand the factors that shape our purposes across our lifespans” and offers four practical suggestions of pathways fathers might take to explore their own purpose.
1. Read books and watch movies: He notes that there are novels, comic books, movies and television shows, as well as non-fiction books and articles that present fathers in thoughtful ways and explore the history and meaning of fatherhood. “Seeing the purposes of other fathers, both real and imagined, can help you to see your own.” He suggests that “the important thing is the search for inspiration”.
2. Talk to your co-parents, friends and family: For fathers of young children, he recommends intentionally talking with one’s co-parent about what shapes the idea of a good father and articulating goals, joining a neighbourhood group for parents and then, later on, volunteering at school. He notes, “While purpose is a very personal thing, it often emerges from our connections to other people.”
3. Look to your hurts – and turn them into healing: Many men bring uncomfortable/painful memories with them from their own upbringing. This can translate into a desire to create a better, more equitable and just environment for their child’s upbringing. He suggests that parents will have to deal with times in their life as a parent where they may feel overwhelmed or heartbroken, and will have to deal with making mistakes and continuing to evolve, “learning something ne (about ourselves and others) at every stage of our child’s life”.
4. Move toward joy and meaning: He says, “Many fathers describe their purpose as raising happy kids, and so they try to be happy themselves.” He quotes one of the parents he interviewed, “‘I want my kids to be happy and to put good into the world, to do the right thing rather than the easy one. My purpose is to model that, sometimes (often) fail, and let them see me learn from it.”
Smith finishes the article by quoting Stanford University psychologist William Damon, who argues in his book, The Path to Purpose, that purpose happens when our skills meet the needs of the world. Smith suggests that “making the pursuit of positive emotions a part of your purpose as a father can help your family to navigate the multiple, interlocking crises that we are facing” in the world we live in at the moment.