The Importance of Play and Autonomy for Kids

Photo by Bambi Corro on Unsplash

In her blog post, Lynn Lyons refers to an article by Peter Gray, written in 2010 for Psychology Today. This article has been drawn to her attention recently by readers of her blog, and she notes, while the information and research are not new, a decade later, Gray’s perspective is more important than ever.

Gray’s article attributes the rise in anxiety and depression in youth to an overemphasis on structured, achievement-based education and a significant decrease in free play.

Lyons discusses how play offers opportunity for children to internalize concepts, problem-solve independently, imagine possibilities, risk making mistakes, learn what does and does not work for them, and build connections between their inner and outer worlds. She states “What I advocate is freedom from our constant adult commentary, judgement, direction and chatter. Kids, like adults, learn from experience. Cause and effect, we’d all agree, is a valuable concept to grasp. We have to let the cycle of cause AND effect play out.”

She argues that well-meaning supervision with fear-based messages reinforce incompetence, lack of judgment, and reliance on outside authority. By emphasizing the need for achievement and the avoidance of making mistakes, anxiety is fostered that the individual is incapable of handing things independently.

“Looking at the bigger picture, increased autonomy equips your children with the ability to hang in there, assess risk, make mistakes, figure it out, feel big feelings, try again and still be okay. 

That’s anxiety and depression prevention right there. “

Lyons suggests five ways in which to support autonomy in children:

·       Let them do their own homework. She emphasizes that it is important for children to learn how to work independently, making mistakes and resolving misunderstandings through interaction with their teachers.

·       Let children play without direction as early as possible. Opportunities for children to entertain themselves, without screens, and experience boredom, help stimulate creative thinking and problem solving.

·       Make room for unscheduled time in your children’s schedule. She highly recommends that parents model this behaviour themselves, allowing space for spontaneity.

·       Teach children to be in charge of developmentally appropriate areas of their life. She recommends children be given responsibility and allowed to experience consequences. “No clean pants? Late for school? Forgot your cleats? Learning, learning, learning.”

·       Stop the constant reminding. She recommends that parents learn to avoid the habit of reminding children, saving this for the occasional important occasion, both to build responsibility in children and to make them more likely to hear when their parent does highlight an important issue.

Her final comment is that “there are few things as impactful on a child’s autonomy than unchecked perfectionism in a parent,” an issue she will address in a future article.