We spoke recently with Dr. MacNamara about her new book, Nourished. In a presentation she did on her research for the book at the Neufeld Institute Conference 2023, she discussed how not only is it is in our nature to eat together, but “it turns out that it is also in our best interests for a whole host of reasons that science has only lately uncovered.” However, because in recent decades food has become an industry and eating increasingly an independent activity, “the natural relational context that converts food into true nurturance – for both the body and the self – has been lost.”

The new book explores the issues and looks at ways of moving forward. Dr. MacNamara shared an excerpt from the book that lays the problem out in accessible, relational terms:

What is the root of the problem, then? We don’t seem to know who we are to our kids. We are much more than cooks, teeth brushers, drivers, homework helpers, bedtime-story readers, and managers of behaviour. Raising a child isn’t a list of things we do, but who we are to our kids and who we become because of loving them. Our job is to release our kids from their hunger for food, connection, belonging and love. If food comes between and divides us, then how can we be the answer our kids seek? How can we be together if our feeding issues tear us apart? How can we nurture a child or a teen if we are consumed by frustrations or fear and lose our generosity as providers?

Nourished is focused on inspiring us “to recover the natural power of food in both our own lives, and the lives of our loved ones”.

Dr. MacNamara’s research demonstrates that eating is not simply a nutritional event, but a relational and emotional event designed to transmit our love and caregiving so that those we love can feel the care. She sees it as an invitation.

In a comment from the conference, Dr. Gordon Neufeld notes, “Eating has become divorced from attachment, relationship, togetherness” and asks, “these three have to come all together, and how do I invite, embrace a dependency, and food becomes part of that primordial dance of attachment.” He sees this as a crucial step, given his argument that “independence is rooted in satisfied dependence”.

Dr. MacNamara talked to us about her rationale for producing the book. Her study of the topic has shown her that nutrition is a diverse, interdisciplinary topic that needs to be grounded in research that pulls together the diverse perspectives. The existing knowledge is really fragmented. She spoke about how we are not meant to be apart. Our society separates us, encouraging eating alone, with an individual dietary prescriptiveness that puts the focus on food, which should be secondary. Relationship comes first. She argues that Maslow got it wrong: food does not come first; relationship is our primary need.

In traditional cultures, accessing/preparing food required community. As food has been industrialized, traditional culture has been dismantled and we have lost that relational/communal connection to the act of sustaining ourselves through food.

The current cultural focus is on behavioural outcomes, evaluating food and food choices, with moral judgements and societal pressure. Most children eat at least one meal a day outside the home in institutional settings where they come under pressure to conform in what is eaten and how food is eaten. Dr. MacNamara argues that dietetic engineering has blinded us to what eating is about. She also notes how, in community-based social programming, whilst community kitchens are one of the most popular and most effective types of programming, when budgets get cut food-delivery programming tends to be the first area to suffer.

Significantly, current research is demonstrating that our bodies don’t digest properly unless we come to a resting state. When we treat food just as fuel, our bodies don’t have a context for how to use that. Think about the complaints about airplane/hospital/prison food where one is “being taken care of”. Children in preschool/daycare/school often get stomach aches in the afternoon because they have not felt rested and safe whilst eating. Dr. MacNamara talked about how it is possible to build this into a school environment, where a class eats together with the teacher as a safe community.

The key thing with feeding is receptivity – feeling safe. Sharing food and sharing stories provide the safety and dignity of interpreting a story to build an individual’s understanding of the world. Sharing stories over a meal has been a traditional way of learning and transmitting the stories and values and history and culture that we share.

The book looks at ways we can help parents fulfill their potential as a provider, meeting the primary needs for connection, attention and nutrition to help their children thrive. Rebuilding the safety and nurturing aspects of feeding ourselves and our families can have positive results that will impact successive generations.